Unit 3
Understanding Harmony in the Family and Society
Understanding Harmony in the Family
Family is considered as the Basic Unit of all Interaction. Each individual is born into a family which incorporates a number of relationships. These relationships are the reality of our life. We recognize and identify these individuals. We share our feelings, sentiments, interests and understanding with these people and have an affinity for them.
Beginning with our family as the basic unit of interaction, we extend our interactions to the immediate neighbourhood like the shopkeepers, servants, classmates, teachers, colleagues etc. Thus, we extend our interactions from beginning from our family to a much larger social order and thereby move further to a still bigger web of interdependency.
Set of proposals to Ensure Harmony within the Family:
- Relationship IS and it exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’): in a family, we don't create relationships. Instead we are embedded into relationships that are already there and all that we need to do is to acknowledge them and understand them.
2. The Self (‘I’) has feelings in a relationship. These feelings are between (‘I’) and (‘I’): In any relationship, it's the person’s Self (I) that's associated with the other person’s Self (I). The body is simply a means to express our relationship. For instance, in the relationship of a mother and a child, it's the Self of the mother and the Self of the child who feel connected. Their physical bodies are incapable of understanding or having feelings.
3. These feelings in the (‘I’) are definite. i.e. they can be identified with definiteness: the sentiments in a relationship between “I” and “I” like Trust, Respect, Affection etc., may be identified with clarity. These feelings are the values which characterize any relationship.
4. Recognizing and Fulfilling these feelings result in Mutual Happiness in a relationship: Once we recognize the values essential for any relationship, we start working and behaving in accordance with these feelings. We begin evaluating ours’ and others’ feelings within the relationship. Thus, living with these values results in mutual fulfilment and happiness in all our relationships.
Meaning of Nyaya and Program for its Fulfilment to Ensure Ubhay-tripti
Justice or Nyaya refers to the recognition of values (the definite feelings) in relationship, their fulfilment, the right evaluation of the fulfilment leading to mutual happiness. Justice concerns itself with the correct ordering of things and individuals within a society. Justice comprises of four main elements
- Recognition of values in a relationship
- Fulfilment of values
- Evaluation of fulfilled values
- Mutual happiness
Justice can only be ensured when all four of these conditions are met. Mutual fulfilment is the hallmark of justice. Justice is essential in all relationships as it starts from family and slowly extends to society and finally at the global level. The child gets the understanding of justice within the family. With this understanding, he goes out in the society and interacts with people.
If the understanding of justice is ensured within the family, there will be justice in each of the interactions we have within the world at large. If we lack in understanding the values in our relationships, we are governed by our petty prejudices and conditionings. We may treat people with a biased perspective based on their body (particular caste, or sex or race or tribe), on the premise of wealth one possesses or the belief systems that one follows. All of this is often the source of injustice and results in fragmented society while our natural acceptance is for an undivided society and universal human order. Having explored harmony among individuals, we are able to explore the harmony within the family. This enables us to understand harmony at the level of society and nature/existence. Thus, justice allows harmony to grow in life itself and slowly provides the competence to live in harmony with all human beings.
Meaning of Trust (Vishwas)
Trust or vishwas is the most basic foundational value in relationship. Trust may be defined as, “To be assured that every person inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and prosperous.” If we've got trust in the other, we are able to see the other as a well-wisher and not as an adversary. There are two aspects of trust:
- Intention (wanting to – our natural acceptance)
- Competence (being able to do)
Difference between Intention and Competence
Both intention and competence are aspects of trust. Intention is what one aspires for (our natural acceptance) and competence refers to the ability to fulfil the aspiration set by intention. It is vital to differentiate between intention and competence.
If we have trust on intention, we have a sense of being associated with the other and we start helping the other to enhance his competence, if they lack in the area of competence. In intention every individual wants to attempt to do what is right, only competence of that individual may be lacking which has to be developed through right understanding and rigorous practice. One of the main factors that affect evaluation is that when we judge ourselves, we judge on the basis of our intention, whereas, when we judge others, we are judge them on the premise of their competence. Another difference between intention and competence lies in the processes they follow. Intention is a completely mental process guided by thoughts and emotions whereas competence is a mental and physical process. Intention defines the character of an individual whereas competence refers to their ability to achieve something. Intention is a more intrinsic value than competence and is harder to change while competence can be improved over time with diligence.
What is the basic error in this statement: “If you trust everybody, people will take undue advantage of you."?
The fundamental error is that if we trust everybody people it is not necessary that ALL people will take advantage us. On the contrary, the ability to trust anyone gives us inner strength and we become much more effective in interacting with and dealing with different kinds people. This is simply because, when we trust someone we acquire knowledge of what the person truly wants, truly intends, although the person might not know this himself/herself! Hence, our ability to interact with people becomes much more effective and, in the process, we find ourselves becoming an aid to the other rather than getting hurt. In other words, values of trust such as becoming aware of others' intentions, having the right understanding, living with the reassurance in relationship does not mean becoming “stupid”! In fact, it only makes us, more competent. Furthermore, having trust on someone implies having trust on their intention, but, when it comes to trusting an individual it is competence that is essential as we evaluate our own competence and their competence. This makes me more effective.
Meaning of Respect (Samman)
Respect simply means an appreciation of someone’s individuality. The sense of individuality is a prime object. This is the primary basic step towards respect (sammana). Once we are conscious of our own individuality then only we are able to see ourselves different from others. In other words, respect is right evaluation, to be evaluated as one is.
Respect and Differentiation
Instead of respect being a basis of similarity or the basis of right evaluation, we have made it into something on the premise of which we differentiate. We either differentiate people on the premise of their body, on the premise of their wealth and possessions or on the premise of their beliefs. There is no notion of respect in terms of right evaluation. Thus, there is no real feeling of relationship, only of differentiation.
- On the Basis of Body
- Sex/gender: We ignore the very fact that being male or female is an attribute of the body, and not an attribute at the extent of the self. And differentiate in giving respect on the idea of gender called male and females. In many countries or societies, people prefer a son to a daughter, and in many other societies, it is the other way around.
- Race: If the person is of identical race as oneself, then one treats them differently. For instance, we differentiate on the premise of the colour of one's skin – white, brown, black etc. or on the idea of whether the person is of Aryan race, Mongoloid race etc. or on the basis of caste. Again here, we don’t do the evaluation on the basis of ‘I’, but on the basis of the body
- Age: There are prevalent notions like ‘one must respect elders.’ However, there is no such notions as to respecting youngsters. Here, we see that we are again evaluating at the extent of the body – age is relevant to the body, and not to the self ‘I’.
- Physical strength: If someone is stronger, we treat them differently. This is again at the level of the body. The respect given to a stronger person may actually be in fear or to protect oneself from them. Thus, it is not respect at all.
2. On the Basis of Physical Facilities
- Wealth: In today's society, wealth is one of the main factors of discrimination We evaluate people on the basis of their possessions. A rich person will always receive better treatment than a poor person. In this way we give over emphasis on physical facilities which are only meant to fulfil the needs of the body, and then on this basis, we wrongly evaluate our relationship.
- Occupation/ Position: The position a person occupies or the job one has is a major differentiation issue. Differentiation sets in as a person's position is considered as the mark of a person’s excellence. This is one of the reasons why people nowadays strive for higher positions in order to receive respect and avoid discrimination.
3. On the Basis of Beliefs
- ‘Isms’: ‘Ism’ refers to a ‘thought-system’ that we have, or that we have adopted. For instance, there are many ‘isms’ such as capitalism, socialism, communism, etc. The people who follow these 'isms' are called capitalists, socialists, communists, and so on. All beliefs are at the level of desires, thoughts and expectations (selections) in ‘I’. There is no definiteness at this level, and hence, this becomes a cause for differentiation.
- Sects: People belonging to a particular sect only consider those with a similar belief system to be their ‘own’ and worthy of respect. Following a particular tradition, or what we call as religion, often forms the basis of respect and disrespect in relationship.
Problems Because of Differentiation in Relationships
Following are the issues caused due to differentiation and a lack of respect in relationships:
- Discrimination based on sex/gender: Problems related to women’s rights, and women protesting and demanding for equality in education, in jobs, and representation. Insecurity and fear on the basis of gender.
- Discrimination based on race: Inequality based on race, racial attacks, movements against cast discrimination has people living in fear of such racism, racist attacks, casticism and discrimination.
- Discrimination based on age: Generation gap, protests and movements demanding equal rights for children, unequal rights for elderly, generation gap
- Discrimination based on wealth: Class differentiation and class struggle and movements to do away with them. A lack of self-esteem in the lower classes and inferiority complexes,
- Discrimination based on position: Protests against high handed government officials. Issues the level of the individual such as depression, etc.
- Discrimination based on ’isms': Fights, turmoil, terrorism and war, people converting from one Ism to another in order to acquire respect.
- Discrimination based on sects: Countless religions and sects and each sect has its own movement to ensure that there is no discrimination against people of their belief. Demands for special provisions in jobs and in education.
The main differences between respect and differentiation are as follows:
- A. Respect is right evaluation.
B. Differentiation is lack of understanding of respect.
2. A. Respect for others is generated by the right evaluation and understanding which leads to fulfilment in relationships. This further creates a sense of respect among people
B. Differentiation leads to the escalation in the problems of society which further lowers the respect shown to others in society.
3. A. This differentiation can take the form of:
- Gender bias
- Generation gap
- Caste struggle
- Power play and domination
- Communal violence
- Clash of race, religion, etc.
- Class struggle
B. Respect can take the form of:
- Appreciation
- Affection
- Mutual understanding
- Gratitude
4. A. Respect is a core value for relationships which leads to harmony in the family, society and the world at large.
B. Differentiation is not a core value and leads to quarrels, issues and major problems in the working of the social structure.
There are certain fundamental and essential values in maintaining relationship. These values are the backbone of healthy and happy family relations. Feelings, emotions, sentiments and values such as respect and trust all are of paramount importance in any relationship. These values result in elimination of friction and establishment of total harmony in relationship on long term basis. The salient values in a relationship are:
- Trust: Trust or vishwas is the most basic foundational value in relationship. Trust may be defined as, “To be assured that every person inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and prosperous.” If we've got trust in the other, we are able to see the other as a well-wisher and not as an adversary.
2. Respect: Respect simply means an appreciation of someone’s individuality. The sense of individuality is a prime object. This is the primary basic step towards respect (sammana). Once we are conscious of our own individuality then only we are able to see ourselves different from others. In other words, respect is right evaluation, to be evaluated as one is.
3. Affection: Affection refers to the feeling of being associated with the other. Affection is a by-product of trust and respect and is a mutual feeling of wanting to make the other person happy and feel loved.
4. Care: The sentiment of caring refers to the feeling to nurture and the urge to protect the physical and mental wellbeing of the other from harm. In other words, a state of mind within which one is troubled or worried towards the wellbeing of the other is known as caring.
5. Guidance: The ability of ensuring right understanding and feelings in the other (my relative) is termed guidance. We understand the requirement of self (‘I’) for right understanding and feelings. We also understand that the other is analogous to me in his/her faculty of natural acceptance, desire of wanting continuous happiness and the program of living harmonized at all the four levels.
6. Reverence: Reverence is the feeling of humility and acceptance of excellence in the other. When we see that the other has achieved this excellence- which implies to understand and to live in harmony at all the levels of living ensuring continuity of happiness, we have a feeling of reverence for him/her.
7. Glory: Every human being wants to live with continuous happiness and prosperity. Each one individual has the similar faculty of natural acceptance, has a similar goal and program and all human beings possess the same potential to achieve their goals. Glory refers to the feeling of having achieved this success by realizing one's full potential.
8. Gratitude: Gratitude is the feeling of thankfulness towards the other. It is a key value to possess and more importantly it is an essential emotion to show someone for showing acceptance and respect.
9. Love: Love is a complicated concept although in simple terms it could mean the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In other words, love may be a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. This feeling or value is additionally called the complete value since this can be the feeling of relatedness to all individuals. It starts with identifying that one is related to the other person (the feeling of affection) and it slowly expands to the sensation of being associated with all human beings.
The above-mentioned values are the core of all human relationships. These values are intrinsic and are available to each and every human being. We need search within ourselves and implement these values. Without implementation, one cannot think of a powerful relationship within the family or the society at large.
As we begin to understand our relationship in the family and live harmoniously in these relationships, we become aware of our relatedness to all human beings. Family is the first place to understand our relationships, recognizing the feelings in these relationships live according to these feelings and attain mutual happiness. Right Understanding at the individual level leads to harmony in the family. This leads to harmony in the society.
Understanding relationships in family, recognizing the feelings in these relationships and living according to these feelings leads to mutual happiness and fulfilment. Slowly we become aware of our relatedness to all the human beings beyond the confines of our family such as friends, colleagues, people in the neighbourhood and even strangers
Identification of the comprehensive human goal
In order to facilitate the fulfilment of the fundamental aspirations of all individuals within the society, the subsequent comprehensive human goal must be understood:
1. Right understanding (Samadhana) is necessary for the human beings, for all human beings. When one doesn't have the correct understanding, one remains disturbed and also acts in a manner so as to create disharmony with other individuals as well as with rest of nature.If we only possess information and skills with no right understanding, true happiness cannot be achieved.
2. Prosperity (Samriddhi) is needed in every family. It is often seen that we forgot that the need for physical facilities is limited and are trying to generate only more and more wealth.Prosperity within the family implies that the family is in a position to identify its needs and is ready to produce/ achieve more than its requirements.
3. Fearlessness (Abhay) in society means every member of society feels associated with everyone else and thus there is trust and fearlessness.Abhay is not associated with bhaya and nirbhaya, at all. Abhaya means fearlessness; it is a permanent state where there is no question of ever experiencing any fear.
4. Co-existence (Sah-astitva) in nature means there's a relationship and complementarity among all the entities in nature including people in general.
This is the comprehensive human goal. With little exploration, we discover that each one of the four are required for human society. This is the essential minimum requirement to ensure sustainable happiness and prosperity. This is the minimum level that everyone among us wants, and also the utmost we will consider. We can’t think of anything more than this. This is the target for every one of us, the entire civilization and also the human tradition. The moment we leave anyone of them out, there'll be loss of continuity, and therefore the goal will not be achieved.
Programs needed to attain the comprehensive Human Goal: The five dimensions of Human Endeavour
In order to realize the comprehensive Human Goal, the subsequent five dimensions of Human Endeavour are to be shaped and implemented within the society:
1. Education – Right Living ( Siksha – Sanskar)
The goal and objective of education is to ensure Right Understanding, Right Feelings and An-encompassing Solution (Samadhana) in every individual through Right Living. This leads to right understanding, right feelings and an all-encompassing solution.
- Education = To understand and maintain Harmony at all four levels of living
- Right Living = Commitment and Preparedness to live harmoniously at all four levels of living
2. Health – Self Regulation (Svasthya – Sanyama)
- Health = Harmony among the parts of the body and having a fit body which acts in line with the requirements of the Self “I”
- Self-Regulation = a sense of responsibility for nurturing, protecting and rightly utilizing the body. Self-regulation is the basis of Health.
- This leads to prosperity
3. Justice – Preservation ( Nyaya – Suraksha)
- Justice = Human-Human Relation (relationship between human beings) – its recognition, fulfilment, evaluation – resulting in mutual happiness
- Preservation = Human – remainder of the nature Relation – its recognition, fulfilment, evaluation – resulting in mutual ProsperityPreservation involves ensuring the following three aspects:
Enrichment
Protection
Right Utilization
- This leads to fearlessness and co-existence
4. Production
- Production = Things obtained out of work
- Work = Labour that an individual does on the rest of the nature
- We should decide what to provide relying on the correct identification of needs for the correct utilization of the body.
- This leads to prosperity and co-existence.
5. Exchange – Storage (Vinimaya – Kosa/ Kosh)
- Exchange = Exchanging of produce for mutual fulfilment and not for madness of profit
- Storage = Storing of produce after the fulfilment of needs with a view of right utilization in future and not for hoarding.
- This leads to prosperity and fearlessness.
Once we understand the comprehensive Human Goal and the five dimensions of Human Endeavour, in the light of Right Understanding, our Natural Acceptance extends from the extent of Individual to the levels of Family and eventually to Society and ultimately into a sense of World Family. Thus, once we expand into a world family, we realize our responsibility within the society and participate in it. This creates a foundation of an undivided society (Akhanda Samaj) a sense of relatedness for all (we are all one family).
Undivided Society (Akhanda Samaja) – feeling of being associated with every individual. An undivided human centric society is one of the highest of human goals. Akhand samaj is the state of the society where all people of different religion and thought process live together and work towards betterment of the society.
Universal Human Order (Sarvabhauma Vyavastha) – feeling of being associated with every unit including human beings and other entities of nature. The sarvabha umvyawastha refers to the state of realizing the freedom of on individual in context of this universe or the entire existence. The respect towards mankind and nature is a fundamental requirement to establish the universal order. Having understood the comprehensive human goal, not only we are able to be in harmony with other individuals, but also with the rest of the nature. We are able to see that we are associated with every unit in nature and ensure mutual fulfilment in that relationship. On the basis of understanding of harmony, we get the notion of an undivided society and universal human order. The universal human order will comprise of:
- The five dimensions of achieving the comprehensive human goals (education, health, justice, production and exchange) towards a fragmented society.
- The steps of organization from family to world family, each anchored in right understanding will integrated in the subsequent manner:
Family family cluster village / community village cluster world family
The program to achieve a universal world order and create a harmonies society includes the following three steps:
1. Educating society through workshops, seminars and street plays: this is about organizing workshops, seminars and street plays at various levels in society. The activity may be carried out by N.G.O.'s but must receive the support of government organizations. These activities can be categorized into three types which include
- Knowing the self,
- Knowing the existence on basis of self,
- Knowing the definite human conduct which is contribution of self in existence.
2. Value education in educational institutions: value education should be introduced in current education system at all levels - primary school, secondary school, senior secondary school as well as college level.
3. Helping to apply values to the real world: organizations - both government and non-government should open up counselling centres which can help their employees or general public to apply values to real life situations. It is about realizing the alternatives in life. Various individuals are on the way of self-exploration, finding their natural acceptance towards holistic approach of life and realizing it at all levels starting from self (with knowledge) to family (with meaningful relationships), then to society (education - health - production - business - services). The idea is not to live in isolation or individualism but with expansion of SELF to higher levels in the social system.
