Unit 3
Understanding Harmony in the Family and Society – Harmony in Human-Human Relationship
Before understanding what is harmony in family, we must have a clear idea of what family means. Family is the basic unit of human interaction as we interact with every member on a regular basis. Family is not restricted to our blood relations, it does not only mean all the members who are related by blood to us can only form the family, family members are the closest member to us from among all the society members with whom we interact on daily basis. Family generally includes our mother, father, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles etc. It also includes extended family members like good friends, colleagues, teachers, mentors, etc. Family is our first social teacher, and inculcates values such as patience, honesty, integrity, etc.
To maintain harmony in family we must follow certain proposals, to understand the harmony between family, we must first understand the relationship that exists between oneself and another self (“I”). The body is just the means to express or receive the relationship with another self. Relationship exists between the “selves” and not between “bodies”. For example, a person feels trust towards another person and this understanding is through the “self” and not the “body” as “body” cannot feel this feeling of trust. Thus, to maintain harmony in family it is first necessary that we main harmony between two persons.
Secondly, we need to understand that the “self” has feelings in the relationship between two people. There are feelings in a relationship and they occur naturally, these feelings can’t be forced on us. For example, in our relationship with our mother, the feeling of love and care comes naturally, no one can force that feeling into us. The feeling in a relationship are like pure energy, neither we can create them nor we can destroy them. At most we may decide to show our feelings or hide them but we are unable to change their basic nature. And all these feelings are developed by the “self” and is limited to the “self”. If we can properly understand the feelings of our “self” it will help us in maintaining harmony in the family.
Thirdly, we must understand that, recognising and fulfilling these feelings leads to mutual happiness in relationship. Some of our feelings are very definite in nature like the feeling of love, affection, trust, respect, etc. When we recognise our feelings towards someone, we must try to develop them, cultivate them in proper manner, this will promote mutual happiness and fulfilment. If we ignore to recognise our feelings, we will get confused about our feelings and we will not be able to create happiness in the relationship. Thus, we have seen how by following these three above mentioned proposals we may try to maintain harmony in the family.
There are certain feelings and values in our relationships, we should work on these values, recognise them, cultivate them so as to strengthen our relationships.
The first value in our relationships is trust or “Vishwas”. It is the foundational value of any relationship. It is a mental state in which we believe that the other person will honestly fulfil the promise they have made. It is the result of right understanding of the intention of all the human beings around us. For example, if the foundation is strong the building remains strong and steady, similar is the case with trust in a relationship.
The second value is respect or “Samman”. In general, we understand that when we get respect, we must also reciprocate it back. But here respect is understood in a slightly different way. Here respect means the sense of individuality. Here the sense of individuality is prime objective, and we must learn to first respect ourselves then only we can respect others. Once we realise that we are individual then only we can see ourselves different from others. In other words, respect means right evaluation, to be evaluated as we are.
The third value is care of “Mamata”. When we have the feelings of nurturing and caring towards our friends, family or loved ones, it is the feeling of care. This is an innate feeling and it comes naturally; no one can force us to care for them if we don’t feel like caring for them. For example, a mother has innate feeling of care towards her family and children this comes naturally.
The fourth value is guidance or “vatsalya”, this feeling deals with the urge or desire to help others by sharing our knowledge or experience. For example, the elders at our home often try to help us by sharing their knowledge and experience. The senior students try to help their juniors, by sharing their practical knowledge and solutions they found while they were in their place.
The fifth value is reverence or “Shraddha”. The feeling of reverence means to show honour and respect for something and someone. For example, we respect a well-established man of the society, we honour they for their works and achievements, this is also an important value for relationship.
The sixth value is Glory or “Gaurav”. Glory is the feeling for someone who has made efforts for excellence. We find that there have been people in the history, or even around us, who are investing their time, energy and belongings to achieve excellence. To understand and to live in harmony at all levels of living ensuring continuity of happiness, to make others excellent. This gives us a feeling of glory for them.
“Nyaya” is nothing but the sense of justice in relationship and behaviour. Justice or “nyaya” is very important for the stability of relationship and we must maintain justice in relationship to further strengthen it. Human behaviour is the manifestation of expressed values on the basis of established values. Otherwise behaviour is inhuman in the absence of established or expressed values.
Recognition of relationship has to do with being able to see the coexistence, inter- connectedness, interdependence, mutuality of one human being with other human being. Once we recognise relationship, we are able to fulfil the expected feelings in the relationship. Being able to do this is human behaviour, we are able to ensure mutual fulfilment or “ubhay-tripti”. Mutual fulfilment or “Ubhay-Tripti “means to ensure the established values in oneself, like trust, respect, etc and to behave with expressed values in mutual relationship for complementariness.
Justice in the relationship from our side means, ensuring established values in myself and living with expressed values toward the other in relationship. By living in this manner, the other is able to evaluate us, and we are able to evaluate them. In our own right evaluation, if we find that we have been able to fulfil the expected feelings properly, it leads to our fulfilment. When the other is able to do the right evaluation of the right feelings being expressed by me, the other also feels fulfilled. In this manner mutual fulfilment or “Ubhay-Tripti” is ensured.
Trust or “Vishwas” mean to be assured. To have the clarity that the other wants to make me happy and prosperous. Trust is one of the foundational values of any relationship. It is a mental state in which we believe that the other person will honestly fulfil the promise they have made. It is the result of right understanding of the intention of all the human beings around us. For example, if the foundation is strong the building remains strong and steady, similar is the case with trust in a relationship. Every relationship starts with trust and ends with the destruction of trust, whatever maybe the kind of relationship, trust is the primary feeling we must have, without trust all the secondary feelings of love, care, etc. will never come. To keep the trust on ourselves and others, we have to pay attention on intentions. Trust is the result of right understanding of intention of all human beings around us and also our intention or expectations towards them.
Respect or “Samman” is the second foundational value of a relationship. Though s relationship starts with trust it cannot carry on or get established if there is no sense of mutual respect. What it means by mutual respect, is to give importance to the identity and individuality of the other. Respect means we should care and give importance to the other's individuality rather than imposing our own individuality or identify on them. In general, we understand that when we get respect, we must also reciprocate it back. But here respect is understood in a slightly different way. Here respect means the sense of individuality. Here the sense of individuality is prime objective, and we must learn to first respect ourselves then only we can respect others. Once we realise that we are individual then only we can see ourselves different from others. In other words, respect means right evaluation, to be evaluated as we are.
For example, the relationship of a husband and wife starts with the foundational value of mutual trust, when two people decide to spend the rest of their conjugal life together, it is evident they have enough trust on themselves and the other, and enough trust on their togetherness, that they decided to take such a big step. But the relationship of marriage will become established and steady when there is a mutual sense of respect for each other. This means to expect respect for oneself from the other partner and also to provide the partner respect. Respect is shown by giving importance to what the partner has to say, what is their will or opinion, and take all these opinions and wants in consideration before doing anything as an individual or a couple. Thus, from the above example it is clear, why trust and respect are the foundational vales in any relationship.
Intention and competence are the two foundational aspects on which we develop our feeling of trust, this trust may be on ourselves or the trust we have on others. Before we understand the difference between Intention and Competence, it is necessary to understand what they actually mean. Intention means what someone wants to do, this someone maybe our own self or it maybe someone else. Whatever we want to do naturally or someone wants to do naturally, due to their natural acceptance is called intention. Competence means the ability of ourselves or others to do, what they naturally want to do. For example, one might intend to run ten kilometres, but according to his body condition and health he cannot run more than three kilometres. This is where the difference between Intention and Competence lies.
Now it is important to understand how intention and competence helps in the formation of our trust, both on ourselves and on others. In case of our own self, for example we may intended to read two whole novels in one day, but when we start reading the novels in practicality, we find we could complete one novel only in one day. Thus, our competence is to read one novel per day not two. Thus, we can see there arises a contradiction between our intention and our competence, which will affect our trust on our own self when decide to take up something.
Similarly, by studying the intention and the competence of others, we may develop trust on other or loose that trust. For example, if a person shows his intention of baking five cakes for us every day, but we know his competence is making two cakes per day, a contradiction will arise between his intention and his competence. This contradiction will make us think and analyse his claim and will affect our trust on him. If the person's intention would have matched his competence, we would have trusted his claim, but since the intention and competence contradict each other it’s difficult for us to trust the person's claim of making five cakes per day.
Whenever we talk of society, what is the picture that we see in our mind. For example, let us think we imagine a group of people living in an apartment. But when we see how much these people matter to each other, how much mutual fulfilment they have with each other, how much they are sharing with each other, if there is no sharing, no mutual fulfilment then there is no society. Society means there will be sharing and mutual fulfilment, without which it is not a society but a crowd, a bunch of people living in an apartment.
Harmony in the family leads to harmony in society. This makes an undivided society when one feels related with each other and every human being. Harmony with own self and harmony with the family, are the building blocks for harmony in the society. Harmony in the society is the basis for undivided society or “Akhand Samaj”, a feeling related to all. Our relationships should not be limited to our family only, but must extend our relationships to our extended family which is the society. For example eminent personalities like Mother Teresa who never married nor had any children, took the whole society as their family and went into a relationship of care and nurturing with them, and in return the society also accepted her as an all caring, respected mother figure, and thus there was mutual fulfilment and sharing.
Harmony in the society can be maintained by first recognising then following comprehensive human goals. There are four comprehensive human goals namely: Right understanding or “Samadhan”, Prosperity or “Samridhi”, Fearlessness or “Abhay” and Co-existence or “Saha-Astitva”. We will now discuss each of these comprehensive human goals and try to understand how they contribute towards harmony in society.
The first comprehensive human goal is “Samadhan” or Right Understanding. It is necessary for human being, where one does not have right understanding they themselves remain in a state of disturbance or disharmony, so they will in turn create disharmony in family and it will add to the disharmony in society. Therefore, right understanding must be three in every individual for the harmony in society. Second human goal is “Samridhi” or prosperity in the family. Prosperity in the family means the family is able to rightly identify it’s needs and is able to produce as per the requirements of the family. It there is prosperity in every family, all the families will then contribute to the prosperity of the society. This will help in the formation of harmony in society.
The third comprehensive human goal is Fearlessness or Trust or “Abhay”. Trust or fearless in the society means, that all the members of the society feel related to each other and they are assured that the others want their own wellbeing along with others. This creates a sense of unity and Fearlessness, which is also very vital for the harmony in Society. The fourth comprehensive human goal is “Saha-Astitva” or Co-existence. Co-existence means that all the individual of the family and society must recognise that they are all living together with the elements of nature a. All the individual must understand that they will have to give importance to the existence of others living with them in the society, they must give importance to the Nature and treatment it as a member of the society, then only they will have mutual fulfilment with nature, and there will be harmony in the society.
In today’s world the society is separated or fragmented or divided. We need to understand why the society is divided in today’s world, for this we need to check if the building blocks of the society which is the family, is divided or United. If we pay a close attention, we will find that in today’s world the families themselves are divided on the basis of their opinion, choice etc. So, if we want to really see a united society or “Akhand Samaj” we first need to make sure that the families are in unity. One brother is separated from another brother on the basis of wealth, separated on the basis of lack of trust.
In today’ world the families in a society are not concerned about the other families, thus there is a lack of mutual fulfilment, understanding and trust. In an undivided society, all the families must have right Understanding with each other what they want themselves and what the others want from themselves. In an undivided society families and individuals must have trust on each other, that is they should get the feeling that in times of need the other will come for our help, there should be a feeling that the others are not just concerned about their well-being but also think about the well-being of every. In an undivided society people have a common interest towards the society and they understand that trying to fulfil the common interest of the society is actually beneficial for each family and each individual of the society, thus common interest of the society is put before the individual interest All this gives a feeling of connectedness, and all the individuals feel they are connected to all others and develop a sense of responsibility towards everyone and this feeling is known as “Akhand Samaj” or a undivided society.
Universal order or “Sarvabhauma Vyawastha” is a feeling of being related to every unit of the society, including human beings and other entities of nature. Having understood the comprehensive human goal of right understanding, Prosperity, trust and co-existence, we are able to be in harmony not only with human beings, but also with the rest of nature. On the basis of understanding of harmony, we get the notion of an undivided society or universal human order. There are five dimensions of universal human order:
The steps of organization from family to world family, each anchored in right understanding will integrated in the following way: From family to family cluster, from family cluster to village, then to community, then to village cluster, then from village cluster to World family.
First of all, we need human education, education that ensures the development of the competence to live with definite human conduct. Once we have ethical human education it leads towards development of human behaviour and mutual fulfilment, bliss and peace. Once we get a good human behaviour we move towards human constitution, that is the nature of the society of people living with human conduct. Then we towards human order, that is universal in nature and it is a society in which human goal is achieved.
Universal human order refers to the efforts of an individual to have a systematic arrangement of entire universe which initiates with the individual self. The visions of human order are:
References
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